if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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