On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize