I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
