i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
