Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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