i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
