What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
