So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
