dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
