be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The air was thick with penises
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
