my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize