I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
