ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
