What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
