Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize