accomplished twins. life is a go
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
