she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
