Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
