I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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