Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hate all girls vehemently.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
