At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
