Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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