Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
