I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
