new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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