So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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