Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she told me i tasted like america
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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