If i come over, it means nothing
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
