He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
