College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
