I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize