the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize