i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm at about main and main street
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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