She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
