Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
