Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
