the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
