I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
