trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
