First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
