on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
