Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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