if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
