He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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