I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
