Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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