he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
