Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
