Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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