mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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