I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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