in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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