Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
