I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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