FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
