i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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