Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
