the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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