i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
