I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
