why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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