he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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