A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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