First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
