I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
