all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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