chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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