Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
