just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
