you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
