I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
