I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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