one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
