you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
