Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
