I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
